Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
We need a shit load of segways right now
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
