I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
