Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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