Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
