I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
