I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
