so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
