Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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