My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
