Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
