My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
