Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
