I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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