She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
