So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i would one night stand the shit outta him
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
