I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Even my vagina gasped.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
