do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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