Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
