sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
