Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
