All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize