yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
