Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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