I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
