i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
