Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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