i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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