I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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