My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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