Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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