Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
