Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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