But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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