Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
