We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
