do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize