He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
