I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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