Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
