I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
