Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
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