I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
