both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Randomize
