I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
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