all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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