She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
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Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
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What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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