I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
