both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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