I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
