This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
