Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
