guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
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