i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
