Duck Duck Cougar?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
