a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
