I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
