2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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