if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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