the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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