The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
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