ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
