God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
