he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
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i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
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I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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