wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
