im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
