I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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