It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
