dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
