Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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