I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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