I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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