It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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