i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
