I don't usually arrange sex via text message
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
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