am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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