had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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