I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
