I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
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do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
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Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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