Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
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we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
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And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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