We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
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