No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
In America we eat man semen.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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