So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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