she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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